i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
All I want is dick and wine.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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