dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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