it wasn't lemon gatorade
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
