did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
