I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize