Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
