ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
