you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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