how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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