If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dick very happy bro
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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