It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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