I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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