My balls are so social today.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
