Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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