Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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