PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
