is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
