I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
