i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
