Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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