To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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