oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
wanna go halves on a baby?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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