i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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