I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
