I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
