Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
