Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
