yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
