I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
