i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
