well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
