He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
