Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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