he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
