I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
