that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
