i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
