like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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