Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
