I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
