i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
