Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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