Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
