she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
