sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
