Have you finally orgasmed yet?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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