i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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