me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
