there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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