If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
