"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
