Your face is a jimmy john
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
