From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
