How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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