Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
