Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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