Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
