gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
