Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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