All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
