That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
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I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
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Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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