he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Never underestimate the power of titties
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
