I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
