Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she told me i tasted like america
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
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No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
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You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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