We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
