no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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