i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I bet he comes in French.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
