I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
