i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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