i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
