Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
