Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
