She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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