My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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