i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
