you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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