She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
