Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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