hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
