who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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