I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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