If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
