remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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