Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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