I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
